My love life.

by callingyourname123

The problem with love lives, from my view is, it ends and its you who has to usually end it. I was a girl who has kind of a messed up complexion and long hair (until I got a new haircut which was even worse. I got long fringes! ) I was not a girlfriend material, I don’t even remember having any friend till I reached class 7th and when I did, I just had guy-friends which gave me no time to actually think about actually dating them. No, neither did I like any girls, if that crosses your mind. I spent most of my years hating girls for how they were so happy and perfect. Its seems hard for them to see how fitting in school is so much easier when you’re just pretty and happy but for a girl like me, for who looking pretty never actually occurred to. Why it didn’t? Because I was too young to know what I know as I am typing now. I was untouched by people’s thinking and maybe the truth. When I was in class 8th, I became actually really happy with my life, cause I had an amazing bestfriend and many friends who cared about me; I was doing well in school but then, I hope you are aware with the theory that, life is a bitch? So I had a fight with everyone including my amazing bestfriend. Middle of all this chaos, a guy came over to my class and asked if I could meet him later today because we were neighbours.  So I did meet him and we exchanged our numbers. So let me tell you that, this boy was my first boyfriend (Bf1 )

BF1  

He was a short, not shorter then I am but maybe not that entirely tall either. He has curly hair and he was a guitarist (Still is) . You do remember where we left off right? Yes, the exchange of numbers. What happened next was weird and not something i could figure out myself.  While watching “Shutter”  my phone buzzed and I received a message from BF1  which was;

“ ________, you look mind boggling and I really love how you smile”

That is the start of the first and probably the most awkward relationship of my life. Why? Because I never started liking him, he practically made me like him. Like when I was all alone, he would stop by and be all amazing and he’d get me chocolates. Who could practically not LOVE the treatment? So let’s say I led him on for one year, enjoyed the treatment and then I realized how serious he was, like he would make me laugh and he would bring in sweets, flirty messages and just so much love. This was the first time in my life I was actually being loved, like the one that gives you reason to wake up in the morning?

Proposing me was like a ritual for him every night. He would ask me just one question  before sleeping; “Would you be my girlfriend?”:  and I wouldn’t reply to it. I would just change the topic or just say goodnight. So there was a time, I actually said yes. I wasn’t thinking neither was I planning to feel the way I was. But all I knew was that, I think he deserved that one word cause maybe I didn’t like/love him the way he did but he deserved it and if for him being with me was the best thing for him, I can do that for him. I am not this great human being or something, I’ve made mistakes and I have ruined people’s life but maybe, just maybe, behind those mistakes and actions I took, there must be a good reason behind it. When I dated him and when people found out, it was like I was some weird animal on the loose and it felt weird but not lonely because I had this amazing boy who loved me too much for me to recollect. He gave what every girl would actually want; he was sweet , loving, lived close to my house and for god sake, he was a guitarist! Who the hell doesn’t like a guitarist and NOT just any guitarist, a guitarist who sang every night Your Beautiful– By James Blunt. If you ask me, it was lovely, a boy like him needs more attention and care than I offered to him. Basically, if you ask me, by the end of the month, I didn’t want to listen to the song again because I was so done with it. If you listen to one song every night, wouldn’t you get tired of it? Nevermind, I didn’t break up with him because of that. Everything was fine, I was dating a person who wasn’t in my group so it made my so called friends jumpy. It was like a joke, but I tried not to care. Bf1  started joking about my writing which is one thing I truly loved, so even if I made one grammatical mistake; he would make a whole book over it. Not just that, I didn’t love him like he did, but after a month I started questioning that too. So on 21st of December when we had this school function; we had this huge fight about him being so casual and me being so not-in-love, so we decided not to talk for a few hours. After 7 hours he called me, to ask for a customer care number! Who says that? Who in their right mind asks for a customer care number? So that was it. The end, basically of our relationship as a couple but it was also a beginning to a different kind of a relationship; that of friendship and let me tell you it still lasts ( and I am in class 12th) .

After a few days, weeks, I met BF2  who played football, you see the pattern? No, yea, cause I don’t have one! But I’ll tell you about him later, for now, I’ll just finish one chapter at a time. So what happened with Bf1 when I started dating BF2 was not that heartbreaking, but when I broke up again; it was like everything was happening all over again. I went for a school trip where he kept telling me that he wanted me, and for that interval where I was away from home, I realized I was confused.  I was confused that I would just make a mistake of falling in love with two boys which was wrong, because I never had such conflicted feelings.

This continued till I broke up with BF2  and BF3 till someone came in class 11th and he fell in love with this new girl who is incredibly pretty and now, I can tell you, he is worth dating but she doesn’t date him, she practically uses him for make outs and fun, I guess, that’s the point right? They both enjoy it, so I assume they are happy but I know what kind of a person he is. I know he wants more, like something which is more certain but I like to believe he is happy cause he is an amazing person and till date, he assumes that I was the one girl he truly liked.

But not loved. 

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